Amazingly enough, school is not a high priority of mine, although I do strive to be excellent in this as in everything. I have received such a blessing from being mentored by a strong man of God. He along with others has taught me so much about how to live out the faith. Perhaps this is where the paradox begins…. I find myself at a loss for words at why life is so busy, yet seemingly so unproductive. I have school, work, church, relationships to sustain and how wonderful these things are… but am I really making a difference in those I see everyday. Or is in just shallow demeanor?
As I seek the consult of those close to me(most specifically my immediate peers) and that are co-laborers I find that I am not alone. Are we saddened and downcast? Not at all. For we are full of the joy of the Lord, herein we find strength; however, something is working amidst the conflict that is within.
It is a cry for something more… a struggle perhaps....
Is it wrong to want to just have a good job, with a good wife, and a couple of good kids and a nice car and, ohh how about long weekends and a few good friends, a fun retirement, and a quick and easy death? No.... For we know that the things that are to be taken hold of will come to us in there time if the Lord is desires; not to soon and of course not late. Yet this is not foremost or pressing issue of our hearts. In fact apart from the relational portion mentioned above those things are meaningless to us apart from there usefulness of kingdom work. For what is a nice car and a fun retirement worth? It's really just a motor (some are nicer than others) with outer shell that is can be pleasing to the eye. And retirement…who stays in retirement anymore. Is seems to me that those that have gone before us (most specifically of the faith, even though it is apparent in the mislaid as well) find this same cry in there hearts too (I fear oft that tradition and stubborn hearts blinds them to finding that "thirst-quencher" for their hearts). This being true there must be something more to life than the "stuff" one can accumulate or the things that we can do…
My present experience with Christ is superficial, only words. There have been times of triumph, but so many times of defeat. As my own position becomes continually more and more responsible, and my need great of special grace to fill it; but I have continually to mourn that I follow a such a distance and learn so slowly to imitate my precious Master. I cannot tell you how I am buffeted sometimes by temptation. I never know how bad a heart I had. Yet I do know that I love God and love His work, and desire to serve Him only in all things..
My striving will only bring me heartache apart from a purpose found in Christ. Such a purpose is found in abiding.... thus.....
How does a branch bear fruit 'Not by incessant effort for sunshine and air; not by vain struggles for those vivifying influences which give beauty to the blossom, and verdure to the leaf: it simply abides in the vine, in silent and undisturbed union, and blossoms and fruit appear as of spontaneous growth.
How then shall we bear fruit? By efforts and struggles to obtain that which is freely given(the Holy Spirit), by meditations on watchfulness, on prayer, on action, on temptation, and on dangers? NO: there must be a full concentration of the thoughts and affections on Christ; a complete surrender of the whole being to Him; a constant looking to Him for grace. Christians in whom these dispositions are once firmly fixed go on calmly as the infant borne in the arms of its mother. -Hudson Taylor
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